I'm not exactly afraid to write about my love. Except I am a little, too. For one thing, it's still a little unreal to me. Like I'm somehow living in a perpetual dream. For another, I know he reads this, and if I just sat down to write and let it flow like I want to, I'm afraid something will come out that will in some way hurt him-even though he already knows how impatient I am for him. For a third, what if I rant and rave and love so completely-and then jinx it? I'm great at fucking things up. I'm definitely the kind of person who decides what she wants and then does everything in her power to prevent herself from getting it. And besides, how do you get what you want when all you want is another person? Especially if that other person doesn't want you back? Why do people do this to themselves? Set all their happiness and future plans on the someone else? Human nature? What IS human nature? What is natural for us? Is it different for everyone? Or is it simply the movement of the masses? I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. So why am I still talking?
Laters