NOW he wants to fight for me? NOW? After all this time, months of just NOT, now he thinks that's what I need. He can go to hell. The second I accept it, the second I don't need it anymore, he turns around with his "No, I'm not leaving" and "You can't push me away." Hell yes I can. And I'd rather push him away than face a lifetime of hoping without him. I don't even hope for my birthday anymore; I know he won't be here. "A promise is a promise." And those promises are lies. Every one of them. "And you...you will be my everything." Yeah. Everything he's not willing to find, everything he's not willing to work for, everything he's willing to give up for anything else. Easy for ME?
I'm sitting here crying, not caring who sees. In the middle of a public fucking library. Knowing what I want. Knowing what I need. Not getting it. Never getting it. Not even capable of asking for it, because although I KNOW the answer, I still have that shred of doubt. Because I haven't asked.
Goddammit. Amethyst is so going to need therapy. I'd better start saving for it now.
Laters