From last midnight:
I want to be fucked. I want to be fucked from darkness to light. I want to be taken from behind, unable to see the man fucking me. I want to be tied up, restrained. I want to be beaten. I want to be put on display, blindfolded, naked, to be fondled and touched, molested and fucked by countless men I'll never know. I want to be bitten and cut. I want to be forced to do things I consider depraved, to have those depraved things done to me. I want to be sodomized. I want to be twisted and turned and contorted into positions my body should not be able to attain. I want to fuck a stranger-several-and throw them away when I'm done with them, last week's garbage. I want a stranger to enter my house, take me on my bed while I sleep. I want to hurt when it's over, to bleed. I want to be pleasured orally by a woman; I want to taste a woman on my own tongue. I want my clothes to be ripped off me, ruined beyond all hope of repair. I want it all. I want it so badly I almost feel the cock in me. I want it so badly I'm desperate for it.
What is fucking WRONG with me? I become aroused by the most deplorable of images, the most gruesome of scenes. Scenes of fathers raping daughters, men attacking boys, random violence and sexual depravity. Perhaps somewhere deep in my psyche is buried the desire for my father to have done that to me, though he never did. The idea repels me-and attracts me at the same time. I never saw his motives lying in that direction towards me, though Stormy did towards herself-and she was sickened by it. She and my father were never close. He and I were. I always knew he loved me best. Better than he loved my mother, even. I'm not sure if I remember thinking this when I was a child-perhaps I only wish I did-but there is a half formed idea of him fantasizing of me when taking my mother. He's always been mine, twisted around my little finger, and I cannot recall a time when I was not a sexual creature., wanting it from so young an age.
God. There is something seriously wrong with me.
Oh, well. I'm going to go and scrogg random useless guys and seriously fuck up my life. Well. Fuck it up worse.
Laters
I want to be fucked. I want to be fucked from darkness to light. I want to be taken from behind, unable to see the man fucking me. I want to be tied up, restrained. I want to be beaten. I want to be put on display, blindfolded, naked, to be fondled and touched, molested and fucked by countless men I'll never know. I want to be bitten and cut. I want to be forced to do things I consider depraved, to have those depraved things done to me. I want to be sodomized. I want to be twisted and turned and contorted into positions my body should not be able to attain. I want to fuck a stranger-several-and throw them away when I'm done with them, last week's garbage. I want a stranger to enter my house, take me on my bed while I sleep. I want to hurt when it's over, to bleed. I want to be pleasured orally by a woman; I want to taste a woman on my own tongue. I want my clothes to be ripped off me, ruined beyond all hope of repair. I want it all. I want it so badly I almost feel the cock in me. I want it so badly I'm desperate for it.
What is fucking WRONG with me? I become aroused by the most deplorable of images, the most gruesome of scenes. Scenes of fathers raping daughters, men attacking boys, random violence and sexual depravity. Perhaps somewhere deep in my psyche is buried the desire for my father to have done that to me, though he never did. The idea repels me-and attracts me at the same time. I never saw his motives lying in that direction towards me, though Stormy did towards herself-and she was sickened by it. She and my father were never close. He and I were. I always knew he loved me best. Better than he loved my mother, even. I'm not sure if I remember thinking this when I was a child-perhaps I only wish I did-but there is a half formed idea of him fantasizing of me when taking my mother. He's always been mine, twisted around my little finger, and I cannot recall a time when I was not a sexual creature., wanting it from so young an age.
God. There is something seriously wrong with me.
Oh, well. I'm going to go and scrogg random useless guys and seriously fuck up my life. Well. Fuck it up worse.
Laters
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