I will kneel at your feet and call you "Master".

I will always obey your every command.

I will love and respect you.

I will be yours, completely.

Fuck it, I don't even know what I'm talking about. Raven's got a new whore, so quickly after he left me. Ruby's married. Stormy's got her new baby. My brothers are assholes. And I'm just here. HERE, not there, not anywhere else but HERE. No, I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm on overload. I dreamt of Raven the other night, Monday night?, and woke up in pain. Not erotic, fun pain, either. Heart wrenching, wound causing, world eating pain. I did so much for him. SO MUCH. I keep thinking about all that I did and all that I was...and all I can feel is this deep sense of betrayal. I tried so hard. I lost so much. I gave in to so many things. I can't sleep and I can't eat and I can't think. Times like this I wish I could be suicidal. Or even pretend to be. Why is it that the only ones who want me are losers, slobs, pigs, old men, and weirdos? And that's being complimentary. Maybe that's all I'm worth. I have nothing but contempt for my brothers. Right now I'm thinking particularly of my older brother. He dares to condemn ME for intruding upon HIS space?!? Fuck him. He does nothing...jesus christ, I don't want to get into this rant. I want to curl up in the arms of someone who loves me and know that I am safe and loved. And probably cry a lot, too. I almost drove down to visit Stormy this weekend instead of next.

I don't make a goddamned lick of sense, do I?
Laters