I've always been a very physical person. Touchy/feely I mean. And for as long as I can remember I've accepted the substitute of sex for actual human interaction, any real connection. I don't have the attitude that Magenta has, that I need to have sex with men to make them like me and that they won't like me unless I have sex with them. But I do have the attitude that it doesn't matter if they like me, as long as they'll fuck me. Which is why I went a year without sex, to see if I could get rid of that attitude. Instead I made it worse. Stormy says there's no reason to ignore my 'biological needs', as long as I'm responsible about it. Which, in general I am. I DID have unprotected sex with Blonde, but I trusted him-he said he'd been tested every three months-and I'm on birth control. But other than that-and Thanksgiving-I'm very all about protection and being safe. Anyway, I'm sick of it. Not sex, because I REALLY like sex. But I'm sick of creating a connection that doesn't exist. I'm sick of accepting the imitation when all I crave is the reality. When I DESERVE the reality. So I'm done. I'm taking myself out of the personals. And except for helping Plum, I'mma wait until...until when or I'll remain celibate. I don't really have much hope for myself that I'll be able to do this. But I did it before, for an entire year. Maybe it's possible for me to do again. Only longer. Unless...yeah, right unless. More and more with the wishful thinking. Ah, well. It's my obsession.
Laters