I don't know what I believe in. I think about it a lot, and always come back to the same conclusion: that it doesn't matter. That truth is subjective, and nothing is fact. That even if there are solid facts, maybe we are not meant to know them. And what changes when we know them? They're still there as they always have been-and does it matter that we are now aware of them?
With all this science and technology advancing at such a breathtaking pace, what are we to believe? That science disproves the existence of god? Slate believes this. That everything is somehow a cosmic accident, and that everything exists because of the nature of existence being infinite.
Or could it be that science actually PROVES the existence of god? Because of all the detail, the minuteness of it, the way in which if any little tiny thing were in any way ANY different, life as we know it could not exist and therefore this creation must have been planned by someone or something. Is that what *I* believe? I don't know. It's what I'd LIKE to believe. I want to believe in a heaven and a god. I want to believe in something eternal, especially since my life is all so...temporary.
I yearn for the knowledge of god. No, not the knowledge. I don't want to KNOW. I want to believe, to have faith. And the two are mutually exclusive-if you know something exists, you can no longer believe in it because now it's real to you. I'm simply not able to. And maybe I know why. Maybe it's because once I have the faith, I'll want the knowledge. As I have faith in my love, but I want him to be real to me. Maybe THAT's the human condition. To never be satisfied, to always have the fantasy-even if the fantasy changes the more we get what we thought was all we'd ever want. Maybe that's the point of life, to grow, to attain the ultimate fantasy, to reach a point where fantasy and reality meet, and to be perfect. Maybe that's the point of suffering. Maybe that's why I have been through all that I have-not to test me, as if god is some sort of sadistic narsicist-but because I AM as kind and generous and noble and goodhearted as I wish I was, and I need to want to progress beyond that.
What is this? Am I starting to believe? Am I coming to a point where the suffering is no longer necessary, where I will be able to continue to grow without it? Should I hope for that?
Is there a god? Does he listen to us? Is he a kind and loving father, or a wrathful spirit? Or perhaps both? As a mother-which I never wanted to be-am I closer to understanding a father figure of a god? Is there a purpose for both my situation and Stormy's? IS there a meaning to life-both mine and the rest of the world's? As I get closer to believing, I'm coming up with more and more questions. As perhaps I'm supposed to. I think I'm even having a sort of almost epiphany.
But now my love is online and driving all other thoughts from my head. So
Laters
With all this science and technology advancing at such a breathtaking pace, what are we to believe? That science disproves the existence of god? Slate believes this. That everything is somehow a cosmic accident, and that everything exists because of the nature of existence being infinite.
Or could it be that science actually PROVES the existence of god? Because of all the detail, the minuteness of it, the way in which if any little tiny thing were in any way ANY different, life as we know it could not exist and therefore this creation must have been planned by someone or something. Is that what *I* believe? I don't know. It's what I'd LIKE to believe. I want to believe in a heaven and a god. I want to believe in something eternal, especially since my life is all so...temporary.
I yearn for the knowledge of god. No, not the knowledge. I don't want to KNOW. I want to believe, to have faith. And the two are mutually exclusive-if you know something exists, you can no longer believe in it because now it's real to you. I'm simply not able to. And maybe I know why. Maybe it's because once I have the faith, I'll want the knowledge. As I have faith in my love, but I want him to be real to me. Maybe THAT's the human condition. To never be satisfied, to always have the fantasy-even if the fantasy changes the more we get what we thought was all we'd ever want. Maybe that's the point of life, to grow, to attain the ultimate fantasy, to reach a point where fantasy and reality meet, and to be perfect. Maybe that's the point of suffering. Maybe that's why I have been through all that I have-not to test me, as if god is some sort of sadistic narsicist-but because I AM as kind and generous and noble and goodhearted as I wish I was, and I need to want to progress beyond that.
What is this? Am I starting to believe? Am I coming to a point where the suffering is no longer necessary, where I will be able to continue to grow without it? Should I hope for that?
Is there a god? Does he listen to us? Is he a kind and loving father, or a wrathful spirit? Or perhaps both? As a mother-which I never wanted to be-am I closer to understanding a father figure of a god? Is there a purpose for both my situation and Stormy's? IS there a meaning to life-both mine and the rest of the world's? As I get closer to believing, I'm coming up with more and more questions. As perhaps I'm supposed to. I think I'm even having a sort of almost epiphany.
But now my love is online and driving all other thoughts from my head. So
Laters
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