Fucking Raven will not fucking leave. I goddamn hate him, loathe him, despise him. And I hate the pain now, the sadism no longer holds anything for me. And I am in constant pain. I no longer take it because I want it, I take it because I have no choice. I do not submit to him out of a will to please him, but out of a vague desire to keep my word-a bet we made, he won, even though he cheated-and the knowledge that he likes hurting me in general, and he won't stop if he's angry, if he feels he has something to punish me for. And oh, does he have something to punish me for. And will continue to do so. Because if he's insisting on staying until he wishes to leave, I'll make him wish to leave. He claims to love me. I'll let him see just how fucking miserable he makes me. Every godforsaken bit. And I will no longer fuck him willingly. But we all know who's stronger, don't we?
I've lost everything. Now I'll make him do so, too. There's no way in hell I will ever let him keep me. MY will be done. "Yes, Master."
FireOpal gave me up. Somewhere between a blink and a tear, he let go of all that's in his heart. And forgot all that's in mine. *sigh* If I prefer being miserable, I must be in total fucking bliss at the moment.
Laters