It wasn't always this way, you know. Once upon a time-not more than a year ago-he loved me. Or "He" loved me, whatever. I think, sometimes, that I know why he doesn't talk to me very often. Stupidity is probably ruling me right now, but I think he really did love me. Or does. I think he does. I think it hurts him to remember me, to think of me and Amethyst. To know what he lost. Sometimes I think these things and I want to remind him. But I don't. I don't call, I don't email, I don't IM. I'm past the bitterness, now. Well, every now and then there are flashes of it, admittedly. But for the most part, I'm just DONE. The only things I want from him now are my pictures. And my CDs, I just can't wrap my head around having totally lost something I attained on the island. And I've already lost so much due to him; I don't deserve to have to lose any more. A while ago, his new piggy bank emailed me. Said she'd send me those things. She seems to be a decent person, and all I can feel for her are pitty and hope that he'll be better to her. I can't imagine what he fills her head with about me, though. I'd be kind of amused to find out, I'm sure it's full of "psychos" and "bitches" and "don't listen to her, she wants revenge". Fuck revenge. I'm too far away from it now. God, I wish she hadn't emailed me. Wanting to know about him, and what the fuck could *I* tell her? "He was great for the first six to eight months or so before he turned to shit, and with you he has a job, so at least he won't be screwing you over the SAME way?" I wonder if she'll ever send me my things. I wonder if either of them feel any obligation to pay me back the money that he most certainly owes me. I doubt both things.
And I don't want to think about him anymore. I really wish I could get what I am owed so "done" can have a REAL meaning instead of the insanity that keeps getting brought up.
Goddamned world.
Laters