I decided to quit drinking. I even decided that I might possibly an alcoholic. Not because I drink all the time or must maintain a drunken stupor, but because of what happens when I'm drunk. Not just what happens. Because I am a very aware of myself drunk. I know what goes on, what I say, who I'm with, what I do and what gets done to me. But I allow things to happen when I'm drunk that I would not allow to happen when I'm sober. I use the alcohol as my excuse, when I am fully aware that I am making a conscious decision. I do it every time. Well, not every time, but I do permit things that I disapprove of or disagree with to happen to me and around me. Even Thanksgiving I was drunk. I think it just took a while for me to realize what it was that's been going on. Even though I am directly responsible for it. Even the things that weren't technically my fault. Anyway, no more liquor for me. Not right now, not by myself. Not even at parties, though I'm not invited to those. Maybe eventually with someone that I trust. That I trust IMPLICITLY, with EVERYTHING. That might take a while. There aren't (m)any of those people around. Certainly not around here. Anyway, that's my randomness for the moment.
Laters