I take immense pleasure in making Fire Opal want me. I know how to do it, too. First of all, *I* like thinking of him like that, and thinking of what *I* want to do to help him with it. Second, I like him thinking about ME that way-because once he gets a taste of the real thing, he'll want to go back to the fantasy. And third, I want him to want me so badly he can't STAND it, so badly he loses control-all the way to the airport. I know I shouldn't hope for that, he even said he wasn't coming. I just can't help it. I miss him and I love him and I need him. I'll TRY not to be disappointed when he DOESN'T come. But I WILL be and I KNOW I will. And then we'll get into a converment and he'll try to get me to break up with him and I won't and he'll get all irritable at me and accuse me of torturing him for whatever sick purposes *I* have...The trouble with being brilliant is that I pretty much know what's going to happen next. There's no suspense. Ah, well. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's just that every time we cross it my heart hurts a little more, I blame myself a little more and I hurt HIM a little more-and that I can handle least of all. Well. Regardless, I still hope.
Laters