A letter:
Dear Stormy,
Our parents never really let us grow up. Somehow you found a way despite their interference. The boys never did. And me? I've been faking it. Coping, getting by, dealing, somehow finding a way through. So now I'm stuck in a grown up body with adult responsibilities and not a fucking clue. So you want to make my decisions for me. What makes you think that you know what's right for me? What makes you think that you're so much better and wiser and stronger than I'm capable of being? What makes you think that Amethyst is your responsibility? What makes you think that you can hijack and determine the course of my entire life without knowing me? I mean REALLY knowing me. Not who I was when we were children. Who I am now. No, I don't know either. Maybe one of these days you'll actually let ME figure it out.
Love,
Your Sister
And another:
Dear Ruby,
You were my Eden, my Adam, my everything. And I...I was your downfall. I tasted the forbidden fruit and I dragged you down with me. I can never tell you how sorry I am. And even if your heart would listen, I doubt I could explain. There were so many things that I want to tell you, so many memories I want to relive. You knew me for a while. You might have loved me, too. Remember how we used to go to the movies all the time and how it was so much more fun to talk about the bad ones afterwards? Remember initiating me into the indie movie scene and introducing me to so many different authors and musicians? Remember sleeping beside me, talking to me, sharing everything? Remember our daughter, how she was OURS? Remember how you let me go? Remember how I left? Do I want you back? No. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life and put the time you had with me behind you, the daughter you once loved at a far remove. And at the same time...yes. A RESOUNDING "YES!" I want back into the garden. I want back into the dream. I want the naivete of believing that a first love can be a forever love. I want back the faith I had-in you and in all things. But mostly...I just want my friend.
I lied to you. Not while we were together, at least not about anything important because that I would recall. But since then. About the new dream. That's all it was, a dream. Fire Opal, and I was still naive. The never existing part of my past. You were so real, and I was so wrong. Wrong about everything.
Since you've been gone...no, since I'VE been gone, you've found so many others to take comfort in. REAL comfort, not the illusion that I had mastered the art of seizing. In other words, relationships for you, frivolous sex for me. God, I can't tell you how much that hurt. And I don't know if it still does or not.
Why am I writing this now, three years and a million miles later? I have no idea. I no longer have your ring. Maybe I miss it, miss knowing that I had SOMETHING of you, of yours, even after all this time. Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic tonight. Who knows?
Now I'm with another. Who loves me, and I'm as sure of His love as I was doubtful of yours. Did I love you? Do I love Him?
More and more questions that I refuse to answer.
Anyway, I guess that's all. I hope you're doing well (as if that's not the lamest thing for an ex-girlfriend to say), and I hope you're happy. Even if it does mean you found it without me.
Love,
Your Eve,
Your Once Upon A Time
Dear Stormy,
Our parents never really let us grow up. Somehow you found a way despite their interference. The boys never did. And me? I've been faking it. Coping, getting by, dealing, somehow finding a way through. So now I'm stuck in a grown up body with adult responsibilities and not a fucking clue. So you want to make my decisions for me. What makes you think that you know what's right for me? What makes you think that you're so much better and wiser and stronger than I'm capable of being? What makes you think that Amethyst is your responsibility? What makes you think that you can hijack and determine the course of my entire life without knowing me? I mean REALLY knowing me. Not who I was when we were children. Who I am now. No, I don't know either. Maybe one of these days you'll actually let ME figure it out.
Love,
Your Sister
And another:
Dear Ruby,
You were my Eden, my Adam, my everything. And I...I was your downfall. I tasted the forbidden fruit and I dragged you down with me. I can never tell you how sorry I am. And even if your heart would listen, I doubt I could explain. There were so many things that I want to tell you, so many memories I want to relive. You knew me for a while. You might have loved me, too. Remember how we used to go to the movies all the time and how it was so much more fun to talk about the bad ones afterwards? Remember initiating me into the indie movie scene and introducing me to so many different authors and musicians? Remember sleeping beside me, talking to me, sharing everything? Remember our daughter, how she was OURS? Remember how you let me go? Remember how I left? Do I want you back? No. I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life and put the time you had with me behind you, the daughter you once loved at a far remove. And at the same time...yes. A RESOUNDING "YES!" I want back into the garden. I want back into the dream. I want the naivete of believing that a first love can be a forever love. I want back the faith I had-in you and in all things. But mostly...I just want my friend.
I lied to you. Not while we were together, at least not about anything important because that I would recall. But since then. About the new dream. That's all it was, a dream. Fire Opal, and I was still naive. The never existing part of my past. You were so real, and I was so wrong. Wrong about everything.
Since you've been gone...no, since I'VE been gone, you've found so many others to take comfort in. REAL comfort, not the illusion that I had mastered the art of seizing. In other words, relationships for you, frivolous sex for me. God, I can't tell you how much that hurt. And I don't know if it still does or not.
Why am I writing this now, three years and a million miles later? I have no idea. I no longer have your ring. Maybe I miss it, miss knowing that I had SOMETHING of you, of yours, even after all this time. Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic tonight. Who knows?
Now I'm with another. Who loves me, and I'm as sure of His love as I was doubtful of yours. Did I love you? Do I love Him?
More and more questions that I refuse to answer.
Anyway, I guess that's all. I hope you're doing well (as if that's not the lamest thing for an ex-girlfriend to say), and I hope you're happy. Even if it does mean you found it without me.
Love,
Your Eve,
Your Once Upon A Time
<< Home