No, I don't know what the fuck is going on with my blog.
No, I don't really like this new template.
No, I don't know HTML so I can't find one I like and adapt it for Blogger.
No, I don't know what I'm going to do about that.
Yes, I'm going to weep copiously.
Any questions?
Laters

"Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending"

Ah, but to whom am I referring?
Laters

Everything sucks. I want to write out my private thoughts, but once I start I won't be able to stop.
Amethyst needs me, so suicide is out of the question-I won't do that to her. How could I ever hurt my beautiful child? How can I protect her from all pain?
And now Raven. Yes, Raven. Right now I think he's an impotent little shit of a man. He disappears for hours and hours on end (thirty-six or so being his current record), he hasn't worked in six months or so, he got "mugged" for the rent money (or he spent it all on crack and picked a fight so he'd be all bloody when he showed up the next day, I really don't know), we haven't had sex hardly at ALL this year (and I'm one of those that NEED sex), I've ostracized my entire family to be with him...and all he's doing is dragging me down to hell. I've gotten us fed and clothed, I've paid the rent, I've paid the electric and phone-I've even kept his sorry ass in gas for the truck and cigarettes. How? Certainly not from the money my husband gives me-no, that's gone before it gets here every month because of bad checks and poor decisions usually encouraged by Raven. So again, how? I've been pawning all my shit. All my movies, Amethyst's television and DVD player, my MP3 player I got for christmas, my jewelry. All gone. Ever to return? Not by HIS actions, that's for damned sure.
Fuck, I've got to get a job.
Laters

I was in the hospital for a while. For trying to commit suicide. And since I had a bad attitude when I went in, they didn't let me go for a week. Hell, they pissed me off-trying to interfere with my private choices. But they let me go-finally. But...I do need help. Not the kind they were giving (which is none), but something. A supervised environment, counseling, whatever. They put me on these happy pills. Well, more of them. This post is utterly retarded. So I'm going now.
Laters

"Goodbye to you;
Goodbye to everything that I knew.
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to..."

I need him to be holding me, kising me. I need to lose myself in his embrace. Whose? Does it matter? No. Anything to get me out of here, to make me feel anything other than this. Trapped in my own skin, I'm desperately trying to claw my way out of it. I wish I could.Three years. Has it been that long? No, it's been longer. Not much, but still longer. "Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry-counting the days that passed me by."
Don't let go...
I can't. It's something I regret. Something that I wish with all I am that I could do over, or at least make amends. But I can't, and I know it. So I carry it with me and it touches the whole of my life. Ruby...blood. My heart's blood-always.
"Goodbye to you..."
If only it were as easy to embrace "goodbye" as it is to say it.
I will never let go.
Laters