Everything sucks. I want to write out my private thoughts, but once I start I won't be able to stop.
Amethyst needs me, so suicide is out of the question-I won't do that to her. How could I ever hurt my beautiful child? How can I protect her from all pain?
And now Raven. Yes, Raven. Right now I think he's an impotent little shit of a man. He disappears for hours and hours on end (thirty-six or so being his current record), he hasn't worked in six months or so, he got "mugged" for the rent money (or he spent it all on crack and picked a fight so he'd be all bloody when he showed up the next day, I really don't know), we haven't had sex hardly at ALL this year (and I'm one of those that NEED sex), I've ostracized my entire family to be with him...and all he's doing is dragging me down to hell. I've gotten us fed and clothed, I've paid the rent, I've paid the electric and phone-I've even kept his sorry ass in gas for the truck and cigarettes. How? Certainly not from the money my husband gives me-no, that's gone before it gets here every month because of bad checks and poor decisions usually encouraged by Raven. So again, how? I've been pawning all my shit. All my movies, Amethyst's television and DVD player, my MP3 player I got for christmas, my jewelry. All gone. Ever to return? Not by HIS actions, that's for damned sure.
Fuck, I've got to get a job.
Laters
Amethyst needs me, so suicide is out of the question-I won't do that to her. How could I ever hurt my beautiful child? How can I protect her from all pain?
And now Raven. Yes, Raven. Right now I think he's an impotent little shit of a man. He disappears for hours and hours on end (thirty-six or so being his current record), he hasn't worked in six months or so, he got "mugged" for the rent money (or he spent it all on crack and picked a fight so he'd be all bloody when he showed up the next day, I really don't know), we haven't had sex hardly at ALL this year (and I'm one of those that NEED sex), I've ostracized my entire family to be with him...and all he's doing is dragging me down to hell. I've gotten us fed and clothed, I've paid the rent, I've paid the electric and phone-I've even kept his sorry ass in gas for the truck and cigarettes. How? Certainly not from the money my husband gives me-no, that's gone before it gets here every month because of bad checks and poor decisions usually encouraged by Raven. So again, how? I've been pawning all my shit. All my movies, Amethyst's television and DVD player, my MP3 player I got for christmas, my jewelry. All gone. Ever to return? Not by HIS actions, that's for damned sure.
Fuck, I've got to get a job.
Laters
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