"Hopeless now I've fallen
Into the void that consumes me
My sanity is slipping now
Out of my hand and into nothing
There was once a place that I could go
To escape the pain of this life
But now that place is long gone
The name of that place is you
Why don't you love me?
Why must I care?
Why can't I hate you?
Or end this pain forever?
Dead inside, I suffer
Inside this tomb you've carved for me
No one comes to comfort me
No one comes to save my tears
Why don't you love me?
Why must I care?
Why can't I hate you?
Or end this pain forever?
Why don't you love me?
Why must I care?
Why can't I hate you?
Or end this suffering?"

My brother wrote that. Sung it to me just now. Long time ago for him. Now for me.
Why doesn't he love me? What did I do wrong? Even now I can think of a hundred things, a thousand. But none that would stop me loving. Is that what stopped him? Any of it? All of it? What was the straw that broke me?
I always thought that love-LOVE, not the simulation of it disguised by lust-was forever. How did he fall out of love? Or was he never in it? Fuck, I don't know.
I shouldn't care.
But I do.
Oh, I do.
Laters