What the FUCK!!!
Does "I love you" mean anything to him? Obviously not. Neither does "please", apparently. He doesn't respect anything I say. Ever. Right now he's over at his ex-wife's place, drinking and playing around on her computer and god only knows what else. And I'm just supposed to sit here and take it. Just sit here and grin and never say anything. Ever.
Fuck that.
Fuck this.
We had a discussion earlier, spurred on by one of these online D/s sites and this stupid woman with her retarded story (which is a side point, I'll put the link up if I ever find it again). I agreed that he's not physically abusive to me (other than once, which, again, is another story). But he's emotionally abusive on a regular basis. And when I pointed that out to him, all he said was that he'd never done so intentionally. So fucking WHAT?!? He's never intentionally tried NOT to, either-a thing he points out to me on frequent occasions when I accidentally screw up in some way. Screw up according to him, that is.
And through all this, I stay. I say "Okay, I'll bend over and take it up the ass one more time" (figuratively, we've only done that literally a few times, and it's not my favourite thing). Why? Why do I stay and suffer through his bullshit? Simple: I believe he loves me. Does he? Only he knows. He sure as shit doesn't show very often-and I'm not talking about just fucking either.
It's not that I want to be coddled and treated like a spoiled child. I mean, yes, I would like to be spoiled in some ways, but mostly that's my attention hungry addiction. It's that I want to be respected as well as loved. Respect is not something I receive from him. So why should he receive it from me?
I hate this whole fucking situation.
So what am I going to do about it?
"Okay, I'll bend over and take it up the ass one more time."
Laters
Does "I love you" mean anything to him? Obviously not. Neither does "please", apparently. He doesn't respect anything I say. Ever. Right now he's over at his ex-wife's place, drinking and playing around on her computer and god only knows what else. And I'm just supposed to sit here and take it. Just sit here and grin and never say anything. Ever.
Fuck that.
Fuck this.
We had a discussion earlier, spurred on by one of these online D/s sites and this stupid woman with her retarded story (which is a side point, I'll put the link up if I ever find it again). I agreed that he's not physically abusive to me (other than once, which, again, is another story). But he's emotionally abusive on a regular basis. And when I pointed that out to him, all he said was that he'd never done so intentionally. So fucking WHAT?!? He's never intentionally tried NOT to, either-a thing he points out to me on frequent occasions when I accidentally screw up in some way. Screw up according to him, that is.
And through all this, I stay. I say "Okay, I'll bend over and take it up the ass one more time" (figuratively, we've only done that literally a few times, and it's not my favourite thing). Why? Why do I stay and suffer through his bullshit? Simple: I believe he loves me. Does he? Only he knows. He sure as shit doesn't show very often-and I'm not talking about just fucking either.
It's not that I want to be coddled and treated like a spoiled child. I mean, yes, I would like to be spoiled in some ways, but mostly that's my attention hungry addiction. It's that I want to be respected as well as loved. Respect is not something I receive from him. So why should he receive it from me?
I hate this whole fucking situation.
So what am I going to do about it?
"Okay, I'll bend over and take it up the ass one more time."
Laters
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