I had someone ask me the other day "When do you have the time to get laid?" I don't. I work all the time, and when I'm not working I'm either travelling to or from work or sleeping. I rarely see Amethyst, and I'm working just to throw my money away. Bills and such.
*sigh*
I have to go. I had other stuff to say...but life interferes.
Laters

“Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”

See also: definition for 'fool'.
Laters

I was hoping to find you here. Silent. Still. Stealthy. Alone in the shadows like me.
I was hoping to find you here. Loud. Lusterous. Lovely. Shining in the sun like me.
I was hoping to find you here. Vibrant. Vivid. Variagated. Ever changing like me.
I was hoping to find you here. Bland. Bleached. Bodiless. Never moving like me.
I don't know where I was going with that. I just started writing and crap came out. I need to write, I think. I need to feel. I want...I am a selfish twit, aren't I? But on the other hand, this is mine, isn't it? About me? Yes, it is. Or at least it was. Maybe I'll claim it as my own once again.
(Maybe in his world "love" means something different.)
Amethyst lays sleeping here beside me as I write. Moving around as if she finds it impossible to stay still. Even in sleep she amazes me. Awes me. She's nothing I could have ever dreamed. Nothing I wished. Nothing I'd hoped for. She just is. And she's mine. And I hers.
Love is greater than life.
Or something like that...
Laters

All I want is a nice, comfortable, dominating fuck. Add to that regular. A REGULAR fuck. Is that so much to ask?
Well, it might not be if you're not reading between the lines. When I say "all", I mean "that and a million dollars, to lose about a hundred pounds, a car, a house, a canopy bed, an entirely different family (except for Stormy), fame-well, not me, but I'd like to be ASSOCIATED with the famous, super powers, magic, my own special vending machine, my husband to call me his 'favourite person in the world' again, Amethyst to be happier than anything possible, a degree, fluency in every language, more beautiful tattoos, my own private photography studio, my own maid, my own cook, a hot tub, all the stupid and/or irritating people dead, my own nail salon/spa, my own hairdresser, silk sheets, happily ever after, and total bliss". Now THAT might be too much to ask for. Of course, if you read between THOSE lines, there's most likely going to be even more. *sigh*
I'm big with the *sigh*ing lately.
I feel like I used to be interesting, vital, alive. I feel like I've lost something, something valuable, something irreplaceable. Jesus, something ME.
Huh. But who am I?
Laters

"Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, wrote my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses"

Reminds me of the long long ago. With good friends and love and potential worth millions ahead of us. Too much has happened since then. Too much bad.
Though...*gentle smile*. Good, too.
Speaking of the good, I'm going to rush home and smother Amethyst with kisses when I get off.
Laters

I got online earlier to write about...god only knows what. But Jack was there. Neither of us have been around much in the last month or so, but neither of us had anything to do for New Year's. So he came and picked me up. And I spent the night. I wish I could say that I got laid or at least drunk, but alas, no on both counts. Oh, well. I had a good time, though. He still has that odd effect on me, but I noticed tonight that it's to an extremely lesser degree. I guess it's been too long since I've seen him or something. I still wasn't quite bold enough to request sex, but almost. The thought entered my mind more than I'd like it to have done. *sigh* Why can't I meet a guy...well, one that's perfect? Oh, yeah! They don't exist. I guess that's fair, though. I'm not perfect either.
On to another tangent. I've been overwhelmingly irritable lately. I don't know why, but damned near EVERYTHING pisses me off. I'm a total bitch in situations that don't warrant it. The only thing I'm not consistently grouchy about is Amethyst. Yeah, she irritates me sometimes, but in a...a...well, a NORMAL way. Because she's a kid and I'm...almost cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. I just don't understand what's going on with me. Of course, it MIGHT have something to do with the fact that I haven't had my fucking prozac in like a month. That's what my mother thinks, anyway.
Ah, now I remembered what I was going to say. I had an incredible christmas. Not because I got everything I wanted, but because Amethyst did. And had a wonderful time and was happy. I love it that I can do that for her. She came into the living room on christmas morning and her eyes got all round and big and she said "Santa must have put me on the REALLY special list!" Yep. Because 'Santa' got a job and can afford it. Spoiled kid.
Speaking of christmas, Stormy was in town with her husband. That's another reason mine was so great. She's so cute and pregnant and I'm SO excited to meet my nephew! I mean, damned. I've been a mommy for nearly six years, now I get to be an auntie. Yay! Though, just to have a moment of petulance, Stormy really REALLY wanted a girl and she's having a boy. Just goes to show you that not EVERYTHING can be perfect. That, and you should pick a name like "Hrothgar the Unholy" if you want to ensure you get what you want. Hey, it worked for me.
I was going to write something about Raven, but, really, what's there to say? I was afraid he might show up for christmas, and he didn't. I was hoping he'd send me at least SOME of the money he owes me, and he didn't. Somehow, only the former fails to dissappoint me. Can't imagine why.
As for other things...I have a new fuck buddy. He's kewl and hot and actually just a little better than okay in bed. And he lives far closer to where I work than I do, so it's not as big a deal to spend the night on worknights. In fact, it's easier to do. Good thing I have reliable babysitting. And they're almost competent, too.
Okay, that's enough from me. I bid you all sweet dreams, and a happy new year. And only a little bit of murder and mayhem-just to keep things interesting.
Laters