GodDAMNED! Okay, I read over Clip's blog and mine and realized that they both sound like fantasies. Insane fantasies, but fantasies nonetheless. I almost think it might have been imagined. If not for the bruising around my crotch and the ache in my scalp, I'd think it didn't happen. Three days later and I'm STILL in pain. I couldn't even screw Olive last night, which I would have dearly loved to do. Well, in general, I like to, but last night I'm kinda glad it didn't happen. How would I have explained the tearing to him? Because I AM torn. Not as bad as when I had Amethyst, but damned close. Actually, Olive wouldn't have cared. He knew I was going to meet Clip.
Anyway, I think when I wrote that I was so totally out of it I was viewing it from an almost third person perspective. Clip has a style, a voice, that leads you to disbelieve-or at least question-nearly everything he writes. It ALL sounds semi-fake, coming from him. (No offense or anything, love.) And I have a certain tone when it's reality and when it's just a dream. That sounded like a dream. I think I wanted it to be. I think he knew that. You have all these experiences, and all these fantasies and when one becomes the other, you get kinda confused. I'd posted the idea right before I left work on Friday, and I thought he was already on his way, that he wouldn't read it in time for the night. Apparently he did. Apparently he took it to heart. God, what a night...
It's strange, now that I think about it. Now that I'm in the most normal, boring environment imaginable (work). I can't believe that was the same girl who's sitting here typing. It's not possible for the two worlds to exist together---is it?
I guess I didn't want it to be, or something. Maybe that's why I wrote that the way I did. I was playing with it, almost, trying to turn it into a story that happened to some other girl, in some other place, at some other time. It didn't work. Not for me.
And just so you know, Clip WASN'T a total asshole about it. He emailed me and asked me how I was doing, even called to make sure I was okay and reassure me that it WAS him and he HAD read my blog before he left and I had nothing to worry about. He got kinda concerned when I didn't answer my email-like I said, my laptop is kinda screwy right now. He's a great guy, really, just trying to give me what I wanted...which just happened to accomodate his precious anonymity very nicely, don't you think? Anyway, I guess it worked out best for all...
But NEXT time, dammit, I'm bringing a mirror!
Laters
Anyway, I think when I wrote that I was so totally out of it I was viewing it from an almost third person perspective. Clip has a style, a voice, that leads you to disbelieve-or at least question-nearly everything he writes. It ALL sounds semi-fake, coming from him. (No offense or anything, love.) And I have a certain tone when it's reality and when it's just a dream. That sounded like a dream. I think I wanted it to be. I think he knew that. You have all these experiences, and all these fantasies and when one becomes the other, you get kinda confused. I'd posted the idea right before I left work on Friday, and I thought he was already on his way, that he wouldn't read it in time for the night. Apparently he did. Apparently he took it to heart. God, what a night...
It's strange, now that I think about it. Now that I'm in the most normal, boring environment imaginable (work). I can't believe that was the same girl who's sitting here typing. It's not possible for the two worlds to exist together---is it?
I guess I didn't want it to be, or something. Maybe that's why I wrote that the way I did. I was playing with it, almost, trying to turn it into a story that happened to some other girl, in some other place, at some other time. It didn't work. Not for me.
And just so you know, Clip WASN'T a total asshole about it. He emailed me and asked me how I was doing, even called to make sure I was okay and reassure me that it WAS him and he HAD read my blog before he left and I had nothing to worry about. He got kinda concerned when I didn't answer my email-like I said, my laptop is kinda screwy right now. He's a great guy, really, just trying to give me what I wanted...which just happened to accomodate his precious anonymity very nicely, don't you think? Anyway, I guess it worked out best for all...
But NEXT time, dammit, I'm bringing a mirror!
Laters
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