A Conversation on the Use (or Lack Thereof) of Safewords
Me: I'm just imaging ropes and chains and getting a blissful little smile on my face...
Magenta: i must say i would approve if it was someone you trusted, if you had a safe word....? dear? dear?
Me: I don't use safe words. Ever. I wouldn't be in that kind of a situation with someone I didn't trust anyway, and the thought that I might have ANY kind of control over the situation would totally take all the pleasure out of it for me. The idea is for me to SUBMIT, not for me to be able to stop whenever the hell I feel like it.
Magenta: what is your definition of "trust"? and a safe word is for, like, if you're about to get killed or something, not if you feel like stopping. at least that's how *I* remember it
Me: It's supposed to be. but I get freaked out really easily (which is a LARGE part of the appeal for me), and I'd abuse a safe word, thinking I couldn't handle something that I was unfamiliar with or that pushed me farther than I've been. {raven} and I tried the safe word thing once. what ended up happening was that he made me say it because I was so afraid of abusing it that I refused even to the point of blacking out. but HE knew what he was doing, so it wasn't necessary with him. might be different with others, but I just don't feel comfortable having that ultimate control.
Magenta: i understand where you are coming from, but in all practicality not having one may get you killed. i worry about you. a lot.
Me: No worries. I'm still alive...so far...
Magenta: you have yourself, your {amethyst} (of course, i KNOW you care for her more than life itself, i'm not trying to insult your intelligence here) and your friends (namely ME) to consider, plus your family, even if you do feel 1/2 of them are worthless..........................................................
Me: only 1/2 is being generous. don't WORRY about me, baby. I know what I'm doing. in the vaguest sense of the word... just kidding. I'm okay. I'm good, I'm all right. I won't get killed. scout's honour.
Magenta: i still will, b/c no matter how you choose to perceive it, (and there's NOTHING WRONG with the way you're perceiving it OR the choice,) it could get you killed............i know you don't want me to,but i worry about you. i'd lie if i said i didn't
Me: But think of it this way: if I HAD a safe word and it was someone I didn't QUITE trust, and they IGNORED the safe word, I'd die anyway. and if I can trust the person, I can trust that they won't let me die. and if I can't trust them, then a safe word isn't going to do me any good anyway.
Magenta: i agree, and i'm not saying it's a pat answer/perfect solution. it just seems reckless. i would try to find one and build trust there.
Me: It's not reckless, dear heart. It's honest. It would be reckless to go around playing with the B.D.S.M with just anyone, or screwing a ton of men without a condom and birth control. I'm not RECKLESS. I'm just SUBMISSIVE. I don't do the BDSM thing with everyone I f*ck. I make sure that the intercourse I have is safe. And if I DO engage in the BDSM activities, it's all discussed beforehand. (My only 'hard' limits being absolutely NO urine or feces.) I'm selective about the BDSM thing, at least...
Magenta: i understand that dear, but ------------ what i mean is, engaging with ppl you don't know well could be called reckless considering what has happened before, that is all i am saying.
/End of Conversation
So, people, if I don't post again after next Friday, we'll all know that I was wrong.
You wouldn't let THAT happen, now WOULD you??
Laters
Me: I'm just imaging ropes and chains and getting a blissful little smile on my face...
Magenta: i must say i would approve if it was someone you trusted, if you had a safe word....? dear? dear?
Me: I don't use safe words. Ever. I wouldn't be in that kind of a situation with someone I didn't trust anyway, and the thought that I might have ANY kind of control over the situation would totally take all the pleasure out of it for me. The idea is for me to SUBMIT, not for me to be able to stop whenever the hell I feel like it.
Magenta: what is your definition of "trust"? and a safe word is for, like, if you're about to get killed or something, not if you feel like stopping. at least that's how *I* remember it
Me: It's supposed to be. but I get freaked out really easily (which is a LARGE part of the appeal for me), and I'd abuse a safe word, thinking I couldn't handle something that I was unfamiliar with or that pushed me farther than I've been. {raven} and I tried the safe word thing once. what ended up happening was that he made me say it because I was so afraid of abusing it that I refused even to the point of blacking out. but HE knew what he was doing, so it wasn't necessary with him. might be different with others, but I just don't feel comfortable having that ultimate control.
Magenta: i understand where you are coming from, but in all practicality not having one may get you killed. i worry about you. a lot.
Me: No worries. I'm still alive...so far...
Magenta: you have yourself, your {amethyst} (of course, i KNOW you care for her more than life itself, i'm not trying to insult your intelligence here) and your friends (namely ME) to consider, plus your family, even if you do feel 1/2 of them are worthless..........................................................
Me: only 1/2 is being generous. don't WORRY about me, baby. I know what I'm doing. in the vaguest sense of the word... just kidding. I'm okay. I'm good, I'm all right. I won't get killed. scout's honour.
Magenta: i still will, b/c no matter how you choose to perceive it, (and there's NOTHING WRONG with the way you're perceiving it OR the choice,) it could get you killed............i know you don't want me to,but i worry about you. i'd lie if i said i didn't
Me: But think of it this way: if I HAD a safe word and it was someone I didn't QUITE trust, and they IGNORED the safe word, I'd die anyway. and if I can trust the person, I can trust that they won't let me die. and if I can't trust them, then a safe word isn't going to do me any good anyway.
Magenta: i agree, and i'm not saying it's a pat answer/perfect solution. it just seems reckless. i would try to find one and build trust there.
Me: It's not reckless, dear heart. It's honest. It would be reckless to go around playing with the B.D.S.M with just anyone, or screwing a ton of men without a condom and birth control. I'm not RECKLESS. I'm just SUBMISSIVE. I don't do the BDSM thing with everyone I f*ck. I make sure that the intercourse I have is safe. And if I DO engage in the BDSM activities, it's all discussed beforehand. (My only 'hard' limits being absolutely NO urine or feces.) I'm selective about the BDSM thing, at least...
Magenta: i understand that dear, but ------------ what i mean is, engaging with ppl you don't know well could be called reckless considering what has happened before, that is all i am saying.
/End of Conversation
So, people, if I don't post again after next Friday, we'll all know that I was wrong.
You wouldn't let THAT happen, now WOULD you??
Laters
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