In Dreams...
I say, "my heart is hardened against him." I say, "I don't want him." I say, "I'm done and I just want to BE done." And it's true. And I believe it.
So why, when my mind is not my own, does he intrude? Why, when I spend the daylight hours thinking of anything else, do I spend the hours of darkness with him? And SUCH hours! It's kinda like...like I'm in his head. Kinda. Like all the things I know he does with her, he's doing with me instead. Only...I dunno how to describe it. It's so bizarre. There's the sex and the pain-even breast torture, which I hated. But there's more. And less, too. *sigh* I give up trying to describe it. I can't.
Once he told me something about entering other people's dreams, how he can do things like that. And it's got me wondering if he's doing that. And if so, why? He's so obviously done with me. Moved on and all that. Didn't take him long, either, not even two months. And after a year I'm still single. Then there's the random thoughts in my head, like is he imagining me when he's with her, and that's why I see/hear/experience those things? But that makes no sense, because she's all Wicca and slave-y and apparently better with him than I was.
Do you ever just feel like screaming out loud? Or is that just me?
Maybe it's just that I need closure, something more definite than what was. Maybe I'm just THAT masochistic...maybe I'm just fucked in the head. Who knows?
And, really, who cares?
Laters
So why, when my mind is not my own, does he intrude? Why, when I spend the daylight hours thinking of anything else, do I spend the hours of darkness with him? And SUCH hours! It's kinda like...like I'm in his head. Kinda. Like all the things I know he does with her, he's doing with me instead. Only...I dunno how to describe it. It's so bizarre. There's the sex and the pain-even breast torture, which I hated. But there's more. And less, too. *sigh* I give up trying to describe it. I can't.
Once he told me something about entering other people's dreams, how he can do things like that. And it's got me wondering if he's doing that. And if so, why? He's so obviously done with me. Moved on and all that. Didn't take him long, either, not even two months. And after a year I'm still single. Then there's the random thoughts in my head, like is he imagining me when he's with her, and that's why I see/hear/experience those things? But that makes no sense, because she's all Wicca and slave-y and apparently better with him than I was.
Do you ever just feel like screaming out loud? Or is that just me?
Maybe it's just that I need closure, something more definite than what was. Maybe I'm just THAT masochistic...maybe I'm just fucked in the head. Who knows?
And, really, who cares?
Laters
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