The Colours of My Pain

Most people, when they think about pain, think about reds and blacks. Not I. When I'm in pain, I see yellow, orange, sometimes green. When I'm in pain, everything seems to be bathed in light, but not clearly - like you've turned up the brightness on your TV during a dark scene, and though it doesn't help with the details at least it's brighter. Streaks of these colours, this orange-y yellow. And when it's coming right at me, when I know I'm going to faint or at least collapse, there might be a green ring, like what you might see if you close your eyes too tightly and press your hands into them. And even that is greenish/yellow/orange. My pain comes in patterns, bright, vibrant colours clashing on paisley, stripes, polka dots, flowers, waves. One pattern slamming against the next which slams into the next which increases the intensity tenfold, a thousandfold.
I was on my way to visit Stormy, see my baby, see my sister. I couldn't see through the pain, and the medicines I have to take for it are narcotics, sleepy pills. Only Valium, such a weak one, comparatively. I'm so weary all the time, having to take more and more drugs with less and less result. So I was on my way and I stopped, unable to continue, unable to breathe/think/move. Half a bottle of pills, not to harm myself, just to sleep, to sleep while the pain slammed my body through the colours and patterns it was going to go through anyway. Half a bottle of pills and I woke a day later to find my body had betrayed me. I hadn't slept long enough, and the pain was no less.
How do you fight an enemy who fights in so many colours, who uses your own body against you? With half a bottle of pills and an overload on caffeine. Fuck it, there were things to be done.
Amethyst now has an entirely new wardrobe for summer. Anyone need any little girl clothes size 10/12?
Laters