I am being observed and judged by a stranger. I think I enjoy it. The people who are familiar with me observe and judge me based on their interactions with me, opinions they formed upon first meeting me and have revised as they have come to know me. This stranger knows nothing about me, has never met me, and yet reads these my words and interprets them according to his own scheme. Excellent. He has pointed out flaws he has perceived in both my words and myself-and has hit the mark every time. Perhaps I should be offended at the audacity of his comments. Perhaps I should challenge his right to judge me-but of course he has the right to judge me, at least according to me. We all judge and prejudge and hold our own opinions about everything. He merely voices them. To me. Amazing. I am awed at his perception. Awed and...I don't know. Saddened maybe. Because perhaps I don't want to be the person he sees. Or maybe I want him to see the person I almost was, or could be, or should be, or have been. It's interesting to have your life eviscerated by someone who has never been a part of it. Because I cannot colour his remarks with "he knew me when I did this" or "he had a grudge against me for that" or even "I've changed since then (or he has)".
Anyway, I will now sum up his observations of me to date. Tell me whether or not you agree with him. I do.
1) I write poorly
2) I am uninteresting
3) I have potential (although for what, towards what, or to do what is still a mystery)
4) I am bitter-at the world and at myself for who I am
5) I am hypocritical
6) I whine
7) I am looking for someone to blame
8) This does happen to normal people
9) I make multiple mentions of what a good person I am yet share no examples of such
As I said before, I agree with this man. But...I wonder how much he's read? This page? The last? I want him to read it all, to give a complete opinion on every aspect. I would never ask for this, of course-I realize he has his own life probably several thousands of miles away. But I am curious.
Laters