I miss the days of childhood. Taking group pictures with people you're young enough not to know you'll only barely half remember in a few years, spending hours and days doing nothing, knowing you'll be six and perfect forever...and knowing the future isn't to worry about because somehow it's all in the future and you just KNOW it will all work itself out. Ignorance being bliss.
I go to see my...councilor? shrink? quack? tomorrow. What will she ask and how will I answer? Tell the truth? Allow someone the access to me, to who I really am? Someone I don't know? And may not like? Someone unfamiliar? We'll see. Ah, now that's a familiar refrain.
Oh, I'm terrified of the unknown and unfamiliar. Of things I've never done and people I've never met. It drives me to tears and tremors. And to wallowing in my own self loathing. Yes, I do hate myself most days. And I'm afraid. *sigh*
The end.
Laters