Goddamn! It's like sex will not leave my mind. Plum came over tonight and...I know I could use all sorts of innuendo here, but nothing and nothing. Not that I didn't want to. Because dammit, I'm...I don't know. Horny as hell, wanting to jump someone, play with the handcuffs...dammit, I'm not thinking of a lot else recently. I don't know why-I mean, I have all these weird issues about sex. Some that I'm only vaguely aware of, others that I have no clue about. I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, sexually speaking. Whatever, that part will either work out or I'll be fucked up for life. I'm not worried about that part. I'm worried about this obsession I have with sex, with wanting to fuck every man I meet. And Plum is attractive...
Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!
And I'm not really even worried so much as preoccupied. I don't even know what's going through my head at this point. I DO know what's going through my body-unfortunately nothing. Okay, that was "hi, I wish I were a joke". I really, really like this guy I went out with. I want to maybe have a relationship, but at the same time, I'm... ... ...there are just no words. Nervous, afraid, cautious? Partially and a lot and not all at the same time. I just...I've had relationships end. Well, only one real relationship, but it's my point of reference. Obviously. And I know what it feels like when that "new relationship buzz" wears off and you really get to know each other. Now, I'm accepting of quite a lot and will forgive and deal with almost anything, but there's a lot about me that's...nuerotic, psychotic even. (And yes, I know I'm using copious amounts of elipses, I'm addicted to them. I think they're kewl. Deal.)
Anyway, the point is...hell, there is no point. But what happened with Plum was that I walked him to the elevator and did not kiss him. As I was more than tempted to do. Instincts and all that. But I shouldn't have those instincts; I've already reproduced...
Speaking of which-and I know this is a very disjointed and probably disorienting chapter, and for that I almost apologize-Amethyst is awake now.
Laters
Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!
And I'm not really even worried so much as preoccupied. I don't even know what's going through my head at this point. I DO know what's going through my body-unfortunately nothing. Okay, that was "hi, I wish I were a joke". I really, really like this guy I went out with. I want to maybe have a relationship, but at the same time, I'm... ... ...there are just no words. Nervous, afraid, cautious? Partially and a lot and not all at the same time. I just...I've had relationships end. Well, only one real relationship, but it's my point of reference. Obviously. And I know what it feels like when that "new relationship buzz" wears off and you really get to know each other. Now, I'm accepting of quite a lot and will forgive and deal with almost anything, but there's a lot about me that's...nuerotic, psychotic even. (And yes, I know I'm using copious amounts of elipses, I'm addicted to them. I think they're kewl. Deal.)
Anyway, the point is...hell, there is no point. But what happened with Plum was that I walked him to the elevator and did not kiss him. As I was more than tempted to do. Instincts and all that. But I shouldn't have those instincts; I've already reproduced...
Speaking of which-and I know this is a very disjointed and probably disorienting chapter, and for that I almost apologize-Amethyst is awake now.
Laters
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