This Doesn't Happen to Normal People

But what DOES happen to normal people? Email: iamthecoloursapphire@yahoo.com

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Amethyst. Ah, my beautiful daughter. When I was three months pregnant, I met Ruby. And I was with him for nearly three years. Amethyst called him 'daddy'. When I moved in with my sister it was "I don't have a daddy, just (Stormy)." And last night...well, last night I had a little talk with her. I asked her if she'd like a daddy so that she could have a little brother and/or sister. And she said, "Hmmm, let me think what daddy I want. How about...(my love)." All on her own. And here I was, worried about how to broach the subject with her. And she brings it up all by herself. It's so sweet...but also incredibly scary. She's lost eveyone who ever meant anything to her-Ruby and his entire family, my parents, all the people who cared for her when I was living with Stormy, Stormy (even though they're still close, Stormy's pretty far away). Obviously, I have, too. Lost everyone, I mean. But...well, I'm used to it and I can handle it. I mean, I don't like it, but...at any rate. I don't want her to have to go through her life like that. I want to protect her from all that pain, everything bad that could possibly happen to her, anything that could in any way hurt her. I am in love with this man. So if anything happens between us I would die. But I would JUST die. I couldn't stand for Amethyst to lose anyone else, it would crush her. But on the other hand, in my heart she's already OUR daughter. Which is weird and exciting and terrifying all at once. I'm not used to sharing her. But I like it.
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