TWO hours! What's he doing? Is he sitting by the phone, picking it up and putting it back down again a million times? Or sitting in front of the computer, wondering what to say to me when he DOESN'T call? What did he say to her? What did she say to him? What's he thinking? Where is he? What's going ON?
Dammit, I'm going insane. Four in the morning and the only thing in my mind and in my heart is him. Wishing so much for the phone to ring. I've been staring at the phone so long that I almost don't remember what it does anymore. You know how that happens sometimes? When you're doing something so long that it no longer makes sense?
I KNOW he loves me. But, dammit, what is he WAITING for? I LOVE him. For everything. I belong to him. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that could ever drive me away. And yet...he doesn't believe that. He thinks that whatever he's done or whoever he is will somehow shock me or scare me or simply make me run. How can he not see what I see? How can he not see the man he is in my eyes? The man who was made for me. The man who makes me-ME!-believe in the impossible, in things I never thought I could believe in. I want SO badly just for him to hear my voice, to hear the infinite love infusing it. I think once he does that he can finally start believing in me, too. Finally start letting me into his heart, into his world. I know he's afraid. I hate that he's been hurt. I just need him to know that I love him, and always will. He says he'd die for me, but that trusting me, opening up to me and letting me know him will drive me away and kill him. But he has to give me that chance. He has to give me the chance to run so he will know forever that I never will.
DAMMIT. All this thinking is hurting my brain. I just want to talk to him. To tell him I love him so that he can HEAR it, so that it's no longer just words on a screen, but a truth so profound oceans are jealous. And, admittedly and selfishly, I want to hear HIS voice, too. So that he's real to me. More real than life. I love him.
What is he WAITING for?
Laters
Dammit, I'm going insane. Four in the morning and the only thing in my mind and in my heart is him. Wishing so much for the phone to ring. I've been staring at the phone so long that I almost don't remember what it does anymore. You know how that happens sometimes? When you're doing something so long that it no longer makes sense?
I KNOW he loves me. But, dammit, what is he WAITING for? I LOVE him. For everything. I belong to him. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that could ever drive me away. And yet...he doesn't believe that. He thinks that whatever he's done or whoever he is will somehow shock me or scare me or simply make me run. How can he not see what I see? How can he not see the man he is in my eyes? The man who was made for me. The man who makes me-ME!-believe in the impossible, in things I never thought I could believe in. I want SO badly just for him to hear my voice, to hear the infinite love infusing it. I think once he does that he can finally start believing in me, too. Finally start letting me into his heart, into his world. I know he's afraid. I hate that he's been hurt. I just need him to know that I love him, and always will. He says he'd die for me, but that trusting me, opening up to me and letting me know him will drive me away and kill him. But he has to give me that chance. He has to give me the chance to run so he will know forever that I never will.
DAMMIT. All this thinking is hurting my brain. I just want to talk to him. To tell him I love him so that he can HEAR it, so that it's no longer just words on a screen, but a truth so profound oceans are jealous. And, admittedly and selfishly, I want to hear HIS voice, too. So that he's real to me. More real than life. I love him.
What is he WAITING for?
Laters
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