I watch her sometimes. Maybe that makes me creepy and wierd, but I do. When she's looking the other way, when she's talking to herself, when she's playing alone or with others. When she's talking to me, sitting with me in the same room watching the same movie.
Sometimes I just stop and stare.
I don't remember her. Not the hours of walking around a darkened house, the shrieking at odd hours, the completely dependent baths, the diapers, the vomit...nothing. I see her as she is and I am smitten. 'Love' is such a pathetic word sometimes. Pathetic and useless.
And sometimes...I dream about her. Who and what she is, who and what she will be, who and what she CAN be. I wake up crying from those dreams. Because OH, I don't know what I'm doing. And what's a 'clue'??
This little Amethyst, the beautiful, perfect little antichrist...
HOW do I teach her how to be what SHE wants to be and not what *I* want her to be?
How in the HELL do I do ANY of this?
My Amethyst, my treasure. My heart will always know the value of her. And all it knows is that she is worth beyond measure.
Laters