What I DIDN'T say:

"I DON'T like not being told what to do because then I have choices of what to do and I know I'll invariably mess up. I don't like knowing what kind of control you could have over me if you'd exercise it and NOT knowing whether or not you know that-and if you know that, whether or not you will. and I'm shutting up now.
and not sending this."

Why? Because what I DID is bad enough:

"what is it you like?"
sapphire: "you know what I like"
(long pause)
sapphire: "I like being commanded and I like the praise if I do well. I like knowing that I please you. um...stuff like that."

Why am I like this? More importantly, why do I keep asking myself that-when I KNOW that it doesn't matter, that I just AM? Shit.
Even though I'm actively female, I REALLY need to get laid. Dammit.
Laters