Things I Want to Say to My Father

(but never would)

You're creepy. If you weren't so firmly in denial/pseudo religious, you'd be a child molester. I'm even pretty sure you've thought about it, but immediately dismissed it in horror.

I see the way you look at my daughter, and I remember you looking at me that way when I was young. Then I didn't think anything of it, but now I know there's more than simple fatherly love behind your eyes.

I have no respect for you. In fact, I DISrespect you. I love you because you're my father, but I wholly dislike you as a person.

The one time I really needed you to be on my side you abandoned me. The one time I was so sure you'd see things the way they were, you chose to close your eyes.

You don't comfort me. When you look at me like I'm breaking your heart and give me a great big hug, the only thing I'm thinking about is how best to get away.

I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN ACTIONS. You are not to blame, nor are you to credit for what I do.

Remember when you used to tell me that I may be smarter than you, but you had more experience? That was true when I was eight. The tables have all been rearranged-now I'm ahead of you on BOTH counts.

You don't know me. How is it possible to spend your whole life around a person and still have not the first clue about who she is?

You and I are not as alike as you'd like to think.

I'm a better person IN SPITE of you, not BECAUSE of you.

I refuse to believe in your god because if I did I'd hate him-all I have is you for an 'example' of a father.

When I think of you, my thoughts are contemptuous, and I speak of you in like manner.

I know you better than you think. You never surprise me.

This is a conversation we need to have, but never will.

Laters