Didn't go. Was upset and I knew that I would do something I'd regret, so I just stayed home and wrote. *sigh* I hate this. But whatever. Anyway, Blonde is online talking about how I need to get laid and how he's "above average size and has endurance." *sigh, again* I really like him, and in general would like nothing better than to just screw his brains out, but...I don't know, I guess I just hoped for more, ya know? I'd really like to be in a relationship, and I really like him. I just feel like I'm so hopelessly fucked up right now. Should I yes, should I no? I want to get laid, at least my body does. My heart and mind do, too, but they are a little more discriminating than my body wants to be at the moment. I was thinking that maybe I should just get laid and get it over with, that I'd feel better, but I know that would just make it worse, that then I'd want it all the time. But I do want it all the time. I just want it all the time with the same person. *sigh* I'd like to hang out with Blonde some more, see where it can go, but he's acting like just another horny guy right now. I don't know. I'll offer him a chance to just hang out, and we'll see. If he IS just another horny ashole, I guess that's it. Anyway, I'm gonna go do something else right now. Something other than lament the fact that all aspects of my life are shit.
Laters