Haven't taken that shower yet. Got distracted with email and a movie. A very bizarre move, and why do they make sequels to the really bad films?
Anyway, my mind is on sex. Again. Damn, after all the bad shit, you'd think it wouldn't be so much of an obsession anymore. But it is, and I'm incredibly horny tonight/this morning/whatever. I'm thinking about Chestnut and how we DIDN'T have sex. I firmly believe in sex before marriage; you do need to find out if you're compatible in that area. But I don't want to rush it because I don't want it to turn into just a physical thing. If it's a "thing" at all; I haven't heard from him in two days. Am I more upset than I should be? Am I not upset enough? Am I over analyzing? Am I just insane? I mean, it wouldn't be the first time things just stopped for no goddamned reason. I still have no idea why my knight ceased communication. Or any number of others. Well, a small number, but still. I don't get explanations, just "no thanks"-if even that. More often it's a drifting off, a halt to contact, and a slow forgetting that somewhere someone meant something in the moment and is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Closier? Never get it. Keep thinking I don't need it, keep seeking after it, keep being denied it. Life keeps happening to me, and I keep wondering why. Why?
No, I didn't think anyone else had the answer, either.
Laters