I wasn't up LATE, as in two in the morning isn't late for me. And he had to get up at the ass crack of dawn and leave to go to work. But we had a pleasant evening. Although, again no sex. Which I'm not disappointed about. I've always had this...weird attitude about sex anyway. And he wants to wait. As do I, but he was the one who brought it up. I really like that. I really like him. But...I just don't know. It's easy saying that I want a boyfriend, but when it comes down to it, I'm a mess. But, I mean, he's not like my boyfriend officially or anything. Not that I know what makes it "official". The point is that there's nothing wrong with him. But I'm not sure if there's something right, either. And that's what I'm looking for, that rightness. It's just that last time it was so...immediate, and with Chestnut it's like I'd have to build up to that. Maybe I'm afraid of being broken hearted-it nearly killed me last time, that's the kind of person I am-maybe I'm too eager to find that missing piece that I'll see in this new relationship qualities that do not exist. I guess it's almost a moot point as he's leaving for a month. Stupid military. And I'm a selfish person, at least I want to be selfish when it comes to something like this. When I meet someone I like I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Friends, boyfriends, whatever. I'm so conflicted about this. Last time-and I know I say that a lot, it's my only point of reference-I had what I wanted and I let it go hoping to find something better. Of course, that's the short of it, but still.
My heart is such a fragile, imperfect (yet wonderful) thing. And I want so badly to share it with someone else. But I've been hurt so badly, it's hard for me to trust anyone else.
Oh, this is hurting my head.
Laters