I am the type of person who doesn't lock the door. In fact, I leave it open when there's not a lot of wind. My theory is: if you know the way, and you want my company, just come on in. Don't even knock. You'll probably find me without a shirt-I don't wear one around the house-and in a funky/bizarre/weird bra-I don't think I own any normal ones. I'm just friendly that way. I'm all about my house is your house, come on in and share. Southern hospitality kicking in-and hey, I did spend a number of my formative years in the south. Anyway, the point is, Slate is not that kind of person. He's all about shut, locked doors and privacy. And peace and quiet. It bothers me that he's so reclusive, but it's his choice. My REAL problem is that he wants to make it my choice, too. Except he's taking the "choice" part out of it for me. *sigh* I'm sick and tired of people dictating my life. He's even going so far as-never mind, that's for another day. When I'm angrier. Today I'm just a little...I don't know the right word. I'm MISSING things at the moment. People, mostly. I miss Stormy something awful. I miss the way she and Amethyst were together, how she's partly responsible for Amethyst, how Amethyst is OUR child, not just mine. I miss my friends-the groups of us getting together for any or no reason and just being comfortable with each other's company. I miss Ruby, the way I felt around him, the way I could talk with him, the way he doted on Amethyst, the way I loved surprising him with little gifts all the time, the way I was safe with him. I miss my family, the holiday traditions-and now no one misses me. In fact, they're relieved to have me out of it. I miss the potential that existed between myself and GreyMatter, but I appreciate that we can both be realistic about the situation. I guess I appreciate that. I miss the up-all-night-not-a-care-in-the-world attitude I used to have. Well, I still sort of have it, but no one to share it with. I miss Hunter, the way we were with each other, the way everything was all right with him and the way he never took any of my bullshit. I miss being a child and being sick and getting to stay home from school and getting all that attention from my mommy. And daddy. I miss faking sick and skipping school. I miss not faking sick and leaving school early. I miss a lot of things. But nothing I can have back, nothing tangible, nothing...well, no stuff. Ah, well. When I speak of these things, I do not speak of wanting those times or those people back, and I have no illusions of getting them so. I only mention that tonight I am noticing more actively what I have lost, and not so actively what I may have gained.
Laters