It's not what people say that's fascinating. It's what's left unsaid, the read between the lines of them.
I had a really good day yesterday. Amethyst and I went to the park and chased each other around for what felt like ever. Then I took her to eat and we rented a movie and came home. And THEN! Around midnight a friend came over. A guy, yes, but I mostly have guy friends. This one, however, was straight-and just a friend. That's unusual for me, I promise. And I thought it might be awkward for me, as I'm not used to being around straight men over whom I have no sexual power. But it was one of the most comfortable experiences of my life. And we fell asleep (after six thirty in the morning) just holding each other and talking. He got along super well with Amethyst (and more than usual, even though she's such a friendly little girl), and we laughed and joked and played around all night. It was great. No making out, no sex, nothing erotic at all. And when we held each other's hands and such there wasn't all this pressure TO kiss or do anything other than just enjoy each other's company. So he gets to be an orange-ish colour. Amber, I think. Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, we've been talking online for MONTHS, and finally met for the first time last night. And it was awesome.
So I mentioned him to Stormy and she asked if I'd already planned the wedding. She thinks I do that with every man I come into contact with, even accusing me of falling in love with one whom I know nothing about and who just emailed me out of the blue one day. She's right, I do do that. But it's not like I ever expect it to happen, I just sort of picture it in my head to see if the picture feels right, or even has the potential to feel right. Stormy knows me so well.
And Magenta called today, playing out the latest episode of "Choose Your Own Soap Opera." I love her to death, even though she does tend to overanalyze and overreact to things. I just told her to calm down, that it almost certainly wasn't what she was thinking, and to get on with HER life without worrying about a HIM. I know, I'm one to talk. But is it so unnatural to want the whole picture, the family portrait, the life I've always thought I COULD, one day, lead? No, I don't think so. But I do admit to being more than a little obsessed with it.
Speaking of obsessions, Chestnut hasn't called or emailed me or anything. I know he's leaving for like a month or three, but he could have at least mentioned when he'd be back and whether or not he had a good time. Oh, yeah. The obsession part is wondering if he'll send me roses for V-Day. He knows how much I love them and I DID mention that he'll be gone for that day...I won't be disappointed if he doesn't, but I'll be more than THRILLED if he does. Even though we're not bf/gf and I don't think we'll get there. I'm not a patient person, and waiting for someone I've been out on two dates with for over a month just doesn't work for me. I know, I know. Callous bitch. That's just the way I am sometimes.
Anyway, even though my team won the game, I'm in a negative mood. Mostly about myself. And I don't want to post all the horrible things about me, trying to convince myself that I am that horrible a person. Because I'm easy to convince. And if y'all knew some of it...you'd be convinced, too. So I'mma go before I start bashing myself.
Laters
I had a really good day yesterday. Amethyst and I went to the park and chased each other around for what felt like ever. Then I took her to eat and we rented a movie and came home. And THEN! Around midnight a friend came over. A guy, yes, but I mostly have guy friends. This one, however, was straight-and just a friend. That's unusual for me, I promise. And I thought it might be awkward for me, as I'm not used to being around straight men over whom I have no sexual power. But it was one of the most comfortable experiences of my life. And we fell asleep (after six thirty in the morning) just holding each other and talking. He got along super well with Amethyst (and more than usual, even though she's such a friendly little girl), and we laughed and joked and played around all night. It was great. No making out, no sex, nothing erotic at all. And when we held each other's hands and such there wasn't all this pressure TO kiss or do anything other than just enjoy each other's company. So he gets to be an orange-ish colour. Amber, I think. Yeah, that sounds right. I mean, we've been talking online for MONTHS, and finally met for the first time last night. And it was awesome.
So I mentioned him to Stormy and she asked if I'd already planned the wedding. She thinks I do that with every man I come into contact with, even accusing me of falling in love with one whom I know nothing about and who just emailed me out of the blue one day. She's right, I do do that. But it's not like I ever expect it to happen, I just sort of picture it in my head to see if the picture feels right, or even has the potential to feel right. Stormy knows me so well.
And Magenta called today, playing out the latest episode of "Choose Your Own Soap Opera." I love her to death, even though she does tend to overanalyze and overreact to things. I just told her to calm down, that it almost certainly wasn't what she was thinking, and to get on with HER life without worrying about a HIM. I know, I'm one to talk. But is it so unnatural to want the whole picture, the family portrait, the life I've always thought I COULD, one day, lead? No, I don't think so. But I do admit to being more than a little obsessed with it.
Speaking of obsessions, Chestnut hasn't called or emailed me or anything. I know he's leaving for like a month or three, but he could have at least mentioned when he'd be back and whether or not he had a good time. Oh, yeah. The obsession part is wondering if he'll send me roses for V-Day. He knows how much I love them and I DID mention that he'll be gone for that day...I won't be disappointed if he doesn't, but I'll be more than THRILLED if he does. Even though we're not bf/gf and I don't think we'll get there. I'm not a patient person, and waiting for someone I've been out on two dates with for over a month just doesn't work for me. I know, I know. Callous bitch. That's just the way I am sometimes.
Anyway, even though my team won the game, I'm in a negative mood. Mostly about myself. And I don't want to post all the horrible things about me, trying to convince myself that I am that horrible a person. Because I'm easy to convince. And if y'all knew some of it...you'd be convinced, too. So I'mma go before I start bashing myself.
Laters
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