I cannot go on like this. I cry myself to sleep nearly every night. He wants me to wait. So fine, I'll wait. But what am I waiting for? I don't even know. He doesn't trust me. And the only way for him TO trust me is to give me the opportunity to run away. Does he honestly think I will? After all this, everything he knows about me, does he think I'm just going to leave him? Apparently so. He'd rather never tell me anything, and keep this on a not even superficial level than trust me at all. And I'M the evil whore bitch because I want to help him out of his little cage. Yeah, he's safe there. But he's also trapped. I am all or nothing-and I have and am giving him my all. So I want to know the man I'm in love with. Again, how dare I? I could wait forever if I could believe that for even one moment at the end I'd be able to be with him-totally, completely with him. And he refuses. To even give me hope. He says he loves me and that he'll never leave me. But he IS leaving. By not trusting. I am not leaving him. But someday soon, the ball will be in his court-and he will have to either leave, or jump. I'm already over the cliff. I've sprouted wings and am high on love. And every day he ties another weight to my ankles. From his safe, little cage.
I'd better quit before I get angry. I already have a headache and am still in excrutiating pain. So I get to cry myself to sleep yet again.
Laters