So I'm a vindictive bitch. Whatever. At least I'm honest. I tell him everything I'm thinking, everything I'm feeling. And he gets hurt. Of course he does, and I don't blame him. But he gets TOO hurt, just by what I'm THINKING. Not even having DONE anything, he's acting as if just by thinking of it the action's already followed. Fuck it. At least *I* act. HE still can't even assure me that he'll be here. When I need him, when he promised he'd be here. I DON'T want it to be so important. I really don't. But it is. And I know why. Because it's all I have. If not then, when? Sometime during the span of my life? No, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work for me. I don't want to pressure him, I don't want to put a time limit on this. But I need SOMETHING. He can't fucking talk to me. Even HE said he doesn't like "the punchy button thing". Neither do I. And he's going to use this as another excuse. To draw away from me again. To continue to not speak to me, to continue to not show up. How fucking ridiculous.
But...I love him SO MUCH. Head over heels doesn't even begin to cover it. "Love" doesn't even begin to describe it. And I'm sorry, but I do NOT understand. What is WITH this "I love you but I refuse to even prove that I'm real to you" attitude? How does he rationalize that in his diseased brain?
But I'M the evil whore bitch and it's all my fault.
Again.
Laters