Jeez, I don't post here nearly as often as I should. Laziness strikes again.
*sigh*
I know she's not reading this anymore. At His command. And hell, I'm glad, all I want is her evicted from my life. But He's not doing it fast enough for me. I want her gone NOW, not twenty years from now. Not even a week or a month. Or a day. He'll get rid of her, but I STILL have to put up with the frustration of Him spending time-WASTING time-on her. All for His revenge. It's just not WORTH it to me. So He'll get her into the country, give her the illusion of stability, of sanity-a home with people she knows or school-and then get her away from it. Leaving her alone in a foreign land without Him. I even get to change my phone number at that point. Though I want to NOW, the fucking bitch calls all the goddamned time. And it's funny to know how much she loves Him, and how much she did love me. Because she could have changed it. She COULD have had it all-Him, me, Amethyst, happily ever after. And all she really had to do was apologize, attempt to make ammends. Did she? No. She got defensive and bitchy and pissy and blamed it on ME-how I was so willing to believe and anyone could have done it. And now she wants just Him. No longer do I fit in her little world.
No, she doesn't read any more. Though I wish she did. So I could innocently tell her all His secrets-how we laugh at her, how He asks me what to do to her to make her suffer all the more, how He is KEEPING me, staying WITH me, how He considers selling her or prostituting her out, how He's disappointed that He never gets to meet her but is willing to forego that minute desire to have me and hold me and love me and be with me, how we mock her, Him saying "this bitch is sick", how He thinks she's worthless ("even if she was the perfect slave and you were never anything more than what you are, you're worth more to me than a thousand of her. I love you"), how I know all His plans, read all her emails and conversations, watch her cry on the webcam. It pisses me off that *I* can't tell her this, that *I* can't be the one to destroy her. I trust Him, and He WILL, but dammit! I want her to KNOW that she could have had it all, that she could have had Him, but that she never will. Well, she'll know that eventually, but I want her to know that it's because of ME, of what she deliberately did to me, because of how she hurt me. That it's MY choice, and that He's letting me make it. I hate that she goes online and talks to people, making friends and getting them to trust and believe and even CARE for her. That's what she did with me. How she fucked me over. And they believe it, they eat up all her lies, all her shit as if they're just waiting underneath her, mouths open, for it to come out of her ass. How I long to warn them "Stay away! I KNOW what this thing is, this creature, this malifluous incarnation of evil." But will they listen to me? No, of course not. Fools, all.
It could have been so different. So I'm pissy. But she fucked up. And she fucked up BIG time. Am I so bad a person for wanting to keep her away? No. Is HE so bad of a person for stringing her along and fucking her over? God, I HOPE so.
Laters
*sigh*
I know she's not reading this anymore. At His command. And hell, I'm glad, all I want is her evicted from my life. But He's not doing it fast enough for me. I want her gone NOW, not twenty years from now. Not even a week or a month. Or a day. He'll get rid of her, but I STILL have to put up with the frustration of Him spending time-WASTING time-on her. All for His revenge. It's just not WORTH it to me. So He'll get her into the country, give her the illusion of stability, of sanity-a home with people she knows or school-and then get her away from it. Leaving her alone in a foreign land without Him. I even get to change my phone number at that point. Though I want to NOW, the fucking bitch calls all the goddamned time. And it's funny to know how much she loves Him, and how much she did love me. Because she could have changed it. She COULD have had it all-Him, me, Amethyst, happily ever after. And all she really had to do was apologize, attempt to make ammends. Did she? No. She got defensive and bitchy and pissy and blamed it on ME-how I was so willing to believe and anyone could have done it. And now she wants just Him. No longer do I fit in her little world.
No, she doesn't read any more. Though I wish she did. So I could innocently tell her all His secrets-how we laugh at her, how He asks me what to do to her to make her suffer all the more, how He is KEEPING me, staying WITH me, how He considers selling her or prostituting her out, how He's disappointed that He never gets to meet her but is willing to forego that minute desire to have me and hold me and love me and be with me, how we mock her, Him saying "this bitch is sick", how He thinks she's worthless ("even if she was the perfect slave and you were never anything more than what you are, you're worth more to me than a thousand of her. I love you"), how I know all His plans, read all her emails and conversations, watch her cry on the webcam. It pisses me off that *I* can't tell her this, that *I* can't be the one to destroy her. I trust Him, and He WILL, but dammit! I want her to KNOW that she could have had it all, that she could have had Him, but that she never will. Well, she'll know that eventually, but I want her to know that it's because of ME, of what she deliberately did to me, because of how she hurt me. That it's MY choice, and that He's letting me make it. I hate that she goes online and talks to people, making friends and getting them to trust and believe and even CARE for her. That's what she did with me. How she fucked me over. And they believe it, they eat up all her lies, all her shit as if they're just waiting underneath her, mouths open, for it to come out of her ass. How I long to warn them "Stay away! I KNOW what this thing is, this creature, this malifluous incarnation of evil." But will they listen to me? No, of course not. Fools, all.
It could have been so different. So I'm pissy. But she fucked up. And she fucked up BIG time. Am I so bad a person for wanting to keep her away? No. Is HE so bad of a person for stringing her along and fucking her over? God, I HOPE so.
Laters
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