Things are happening. All around the world, I'm sure, but like I give a fuck about any of that crap. I give a fuck about what's happening to ME.
"i was pissed because (FireOpal) wants to manipulate you in to not being with any one but him and at the same time will never stand up and be with you him self if he really wanted you that would be one thing but the only reason that he is doing this is to keep anyone else from having you"
Is that true? And then Stormy says that he doesn't treat me with anything resembling respect or love. And that if I were as important to him as HE claims, he'd make time for me, he'd make the effort. And if he knows me as well as he claims to, he'd understand that I need him. In a HEALTHY way, for once. Yes, I'm healthy. At least in the way that I do not depend on FireOpal for my happiness. I just want to share my happiness with him, want to share EVERYTHING with him, and I'm sad because I'm NOT with him, because we fight all the goddamned time. Fucking A! I don't expect total bliss one hundred percent of the time. I don't want to give him an ultimatum. But dammit! I'm not the priority he claims I am, not the priority he KNOWS I need to be. I'm not even saying "choose me or your other obligations." I'm saying, "make me one of them." I can share him with whatever else he needs to do. Or THINKS he needs to do, or WANTS to do, or CHOOSES to do. If I'm such a big part of his life-as HE claims-then I need to be IN his life. HOW can he not even TALK to me?
I don't know. So with all this shit running around in my head, I'm taking some time off. I love him. GOD, I love him. I just need to think about things without him for a while. How long? I dunno. I'm just going to take a self imposed haitus. To think. To feel. To choose.
There was a time, a while back, that I loved him because of 'the wrong reasons.' At least according to him and Stormy. But I've worked through all that-even Stormy says so, thank goddammit. And I love him still. So he has HIS issues. Fair enough. We all do. He's scared, he's been hurt, he's a fucking pansy. Whatever. I'm angry and upset and confused...and I LOVE him. I love him.
I'm tired of thinking about all this. For a while, I think I'll just go veg.
Laters
"i was pissed because (FireOpal) wants to manipulate you in to not being with any one but him and at the same time will never stand up and be with you him self if he really wanted you that would be one thing but the only reason that he is doing this is to keep anyone else from having you"
Is that true? And then Stormy says that he doesn't treat me with anything resembling respect or love. And that if I were as important to him as HE claims, he'd make time for me, he'd make the effort. And if he knows me as well as he claims to, he'd understand that I need him. In a HEALTHY way, for once. Yes, I'm healthy. At least in the way that I do not depend on FireOpal for my happiness. I just want to share my happiness with him, want to share EVERYTHING with him, and I'm sad because I'm NOT with him, because we fight all the goddamned time. Fucking A! I don't expect total bliss one hundred percent of the time. I don't want to give him an ultimatum. But dammit! I'm not the priority he claims I am, not the priority he KNOWS I need to be. I'm not even saying "choose me or your other obligations." I'm saying, "make me one of them." I can share him with whatever else he needs to do. Or THINKS he needs to do, or WANTS to do, or CHOOSES to do. If I'm such a big part of his life-as HE claims-then I need to be IN his life. HOW can he not even TALK to me?
I don't know. So with all this shit running around in my head, I'm taking some time off. I love him. GOD, I love him. I just need to think about things without him for a while. How long? I dunno. I'm just going to take a self imposed haitus. To think. To feel. To choose.
There was a time, a while back, that I loved him because of 'the wrong reasons.' At least according to him and Stormy. But I've worked through all that-even Stormy says so, thank goddammit. And I love him still. So he has HIS issues. Fair enough. We all do. He's scared, he's been hurt, he's a fucking pansy. Whatever. I'm angry and upset and confused...and I LOVE him. I love him.
I'm tired of thinking about all this. For a while, I think I'll just go veg.
Laters
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