Happy fucking New Year. I'm sitting here all alone with a movie and a vibrator while He sleeps. Is THIS what my two thousand four is going to be like?
Laters

She says (now) that I'm not welcome. She doesn't get that I never really was. That was ALWAYS her space to communicate with Raven-and I was never supposed to be part of that. So she moved. To have privacy. She doesn't realize that she doesn't GET any, nor does she deserve any. Nor does she realize that she is not now and will never be a good girl.
She uses "our" as if there exists some connection between us, some sort of sisterhood. No, she broke that. And she uses "my" (as in "my Master") to try and imply possession of Him. Ha! (And think of that in a very scoffing way.) "My" as in "the Master of me", yes. But she has no part of Him; He has all of her.
She's also so...cheap. There's a difference between 'priceless' and 'worthless', and she has yet to figure out that she is NOT the former. Her submission has no price, no value. It's too freely given, too easy to be held in any esteem. And it's not. No one would refuse a free twenty bucks, but it wouldn't mean anything to them. Dinner, maybe a movie (for one), and it's gone, never to be thought of again. Same here.
Bitter? Yes. And I have the right to be. She hurt me deeply, and she has yet to feel any remorse. But she will. And the great part about it is that it won't even be at my hands. I'm not welcome in her blog? Okay! Small thing, really. She's not welcome in my home. Anyone ELSE notice the difference?
*wandering away with a smug grin*
Laters

She threatens me. *mocking laugh* Ha! She HAS no naked pictures, and even if she did, so what? I'M not the one shy about putting them up on the internet. She IS. And you want my name, address, telephone number? Ask for it. Birthdate is easy, I posted on my birthday. Birthplace I left long long ago. PIN number to a debit card I no longer use to an account I closed. Friends of mine she knows nicknames, first names and a few phone numbers. My husband and his secrets? Read the very first post here, and you'll know too. What she doesn't understand is that I DO NOT CARE. I HAVE no secrets, I need none. So I posted this:
you utter fools. did it ever occur to you that "yen"-Marianne Nicole {and I'll concede here by not entering her last name but ONLY because Raven would be upset-if you want it, though, just ask me}, by the way (hell, she gave you my name, I can give you hers)-is NOT the little miss innocent you think she is? that she, in fact, is one heinous, insidious bitch who fucks with people for no other reason than her whim? of course not. all you see is what she lets you see-and she lies. not only does she lie, she perpetuates her lies and misdirections. that and she doesn't know everything-or really, ANYthing- that goes on between [Raven] and I. she has her little bullshit assumptions of me getting more attention because I'm rebellious, but that's not the case. I get more attention because I'm here and He loves me. ALSO, her little "eighteen days" entry was in no way arbitrated by Master Crow. it's her OWN decision, her own choice, her own deadline. being a victim of her hideousness, I just thought I'd let you know. have no pity on this creature-she is an utter waste of carbon molecules
on someone's blog, someone she wants to respect her, someone she wants to like her. Is any of it not true? No. Every word of it is indisputable fact.
Threaten me and my friends. Sure, go ahead. But my child? No. There will BE no threat to her. There will be no threat because I will allow none. I will not allow her near my child. And it's only with my blessing that she could ever be. That's a blessing I will never NEVER give.
"An offense against His is an offense against Him." True. Very, very true. *I* am His. And she has committed serious offenses against me. Hell, I wasn't even punished for posting that. He didn't care what I posted, though He was upset that I had gone against the intention of one of His commands (though not the letter). He will punish her for her offenses. And I-I will sit back and laugh.
I always win.
Laters

Well now.
I am a collared slave. And my Master loves me. Oh, but He loves me. And I...I don't deserve it. I WANT it, god, but I want it. I NEED it, even. But from Him...oh, hell. What a Man He is! I don't even understand this part of myself. I don't understand my desire to please Him. I don't GET it. It's just...THERE. Real. Do I love Him? Am I in love with Him?
I'm scared and confused. And there are SO MANY obstacles-self inflicted and otherwise-standing in the way of my being what He wants me to be. But...there are none standing in the way of me being His. I AM His. I belong to Him. I BELONG.
Laters

Oh, and I know that my template keeps changing. I've found the one I want here, but I'm not familiar with HTML so I can't fuck with it enough to have it do what I want for Blogger. Anyone know anything about that and have some time to help out a cute little damsel in distress? Please?
Let me know. You'll be my new hero and I'll love you forever if you do. *wink*
Laters

I live with a loving heart and a trusting soul. That's the way I am. Or rather, was. Now, I'm suspicious about too much. Not even believing what I see in front of me. And it's her fault. Bitch. And she's not even repentant. She just wants Raven-who loves ME-and to hell with what she did to me. Fuck THAT right in the ear.
Anyway, follow the link up there. I'm not sure, but I'm betting it'll be interesting reading. She calls me Sara, by the way. I just thought that it would be lovely to share-since she won't do anything to make ammends, I'll get my petty little revenges and feel all better. It's supposed to be a private blog, but enjoy. And leave comments telling her what cunt she is.
Laters

Ah, the more things change, the more they...well, SUCK.
Hell, it's as good a theory as any, right now.
I really don't know what to think right at the moment. Financial situation sucks, and I'm back to wanting to rob that damned bank. ANY damned bank. Or really, anywhere that would have a lot of cash on hand. Like McDonald's. Or...or...well, fuck it, anywhere. "I want money, lots and lots of money."
Why does tax season have to come AFTER christmas?
Laters

There was a guy I knew once. Long ago and far away...but not so long memory has faded and not so far I can't reach it.
He was...I don't know. He understood when I talked, but I'm not sure if he ever understood ME. I loved him. God, what a fool. I love so easily...but that's not the point. This guy I knew, I told him things, things I'd never shared with anyone. And threatened him with flying monkeys if he ever repeated them, but still. I opened up a door to him, a door to my heart. Did he take it? Maybe. But then he cowardly crawled out the back window.
I talk to him every now and then. About nothing. His life, my lack thereof. It used to be so different. Once I used to TALK to him. TELL him things and listen to the things he had to tell me. What changed it? Time. Distance. Fucking circumstance. And lack of desire-on his part-to continue communications.
I asked him if he'd loved me. He said "yes". Liar. You don't give up on love.
Laters

Once upon a time in the land of 'If Only'...
I wrote a story that started that way when I was younger. Well, actually Stormy wrote it and I edited. Now the phrase seems...so appropriate. So...well, it fits. My life. I always think about the "what ifs". What if my soulmate is out there waiting for me and I'm stuck with Raven when he comes? What if Raven IS my soulmate and I'm looking for something else to the exclusion of noticing Him? What if there's no such thing as a 'soulmate' and I'm deluding myself into thinking I could ever be happy? Or even content? What if there IS and *I* just don't have one?
And fuck. What about Amethyst? Hell, if I had a job, I would SO need to be budgeting for her future therapy.
Laters

I spent so long, so many years taking the flimsy silver strands in my hands and trying to create something better, something bigger, something MORE. But how can you improve perfection? And what is perfection without change?
Perfection without change is flawed. And how can it be perfection if it is flawed? And even should it change, would it remain perfect? Change perfectly? Or are there only brief, shining moments of perfection, those small, almost infinitesimal periods we have to find and savour?
So what if you miss them? What if you're so caught up in living you don't see the perfect when you're in it? You spend the rest of your life looking back and saying "I wish I could have appreciated it then" and mourning its loss.
I've never had a moment like that.
Will I ever? And will I see it when I do?
God, I make no fucking sense.
Laters